Has anyone tried turning the UK on and off again? Seriously, I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but we sort of decided to have a referendum not too long ago and the result has hardly been flattering. To be fair, whichever way the vote was going to swing, it was inevitable that about half the country would be left mightily pissed off, and it seems that those with the most anger right now are the millions of young people screaming that a grand coalition of old and dumb people have straight up stolen their future. Last week, fifty thousand of them turned up in London for an anti-Brexit demonstration. Four million others decided to sign an online petition demanding a second referendum. Now that’s great and all, however, what would have been so much better is if all these brave activists actually bothered to turn up at the voting booth.
Speaking of democracy, whose excited for a new Prime Minster? David Cameron, probably after experiencing the single most potent “what the fuck have I just done” feeling in his entire adult life, was quick to announce his resignation. Many on the left must be happy to see him go, that is until they realize his replacement will not be Jeremy Corbyn but instead the far-right fringe of The Conservative Party. As you’re probably aware, the two candidates for Tory leader are Theresa May and Andrea Leadsom, and unless you happen to be a millionaire, neither option should warrant a single hint of optimism.
Now as today’s papers haven’t hesitated to point out, this means that our next Prime Minister will happen to be a woman; and apparently, that makes it all okay. Feel free to call me a crazy sexist pig, however, I think by this point we’ve matured enough as a society to understand that what a person has between their legs has approximately zero relevance as to whether they’re a decent politician. Honestly, we’re all grown up now, let’s leave the meaningless identity politics to the Americans and take a good objective look at just how utterly screwed we are.
So, the candidates then:
You probably best know Theresa May as the current serving Home Secretary. She’s 59 years old, became an MP in 1997 and backed remain by saying nothing. She also just happens to be a far- right authoritarian maniac who spent her entire political career trying to suppress your civil liberties. May is the primary advocate of the so called “Investigatory Powers Bill”, more commonly known as “The Snoopers Charter”. It’s the sort of legislation that would have George Orwell spinning in his grave, allowing, among other things, the police to hack your mobile phone and giving the government complete access to everyone’s internet history (read more here).
If that isn’t disturbing enough, May (together with the “Liberal” Democrats) was instrumental in the setting up of “secret courts”, wants to scrap the Human Right Act, refuses to guarantee the rights of EU nationals living in the UK, bragged about deporting people in direct contradiction with the aforementioned Human Rights Act and also just happens to be in favor of censoring pornography. To steal a joke from Frankie Boyle, she both looks like a skeleton and has about the same level of compassion as stage 4 bone cancer. On to the competition then…
You probably best know Andrea Leadsom as that lady from the BBC One Brexit debate. She’s 53 years old, became an MP in 2010 and was a prominent leave campaigner. While she doesn’t quite match up to May when it comes to the authoritarian scale, if what you’re after is radically right wing economics then Andrea Leadsom is certainly your gal. Here’s an extract from a parliamentary speech she gave back in 2012 about the rights of people working for small businesses;
“I envisage there being absolutely no regulation whatsoever – no minimum wage, no maternity or paternity rights, no unfair dismissal rights, no pension rights.”
According to her, the best way to support small business is to make working there as utterly unappealing as possible. Now while Cameron and Osborne have hardly been saints when it comes to employment rights, Leadsom appears to be the kind of deluded anarcho-capitalist fanatic who thinks that the British economic system should be modeled after Somalia. Well, it’s not all bad news, at least things like maternity rights are guaranteed to us by The European Union… Oh wait, shit. At least we can maybe hope for the railways being renationalised. After all, those things better be on time if we’re finally gonna start shipping the plebs over to the labour camps. Oh, she also opposed same-sex marriage and stashes money in offshore bank accounts to avoid paying tax. Bloody brilliant.